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Sarcastic smiles so crisp and clean

22nd May, 2009. 9:42 pm. Friday: Alone

Once, a long time ago, I used to walk everywhere to get around. Needless to say, I miss my feet. I don't know where they've gone. Are they propped up somewhere against an easy-chair? Did a speeding carload of teenagers run-over my renegade appendages, wandering in the road? The mystery, itself, can never be solved. It never started in the first place. What of location to location? Oh, those weary soles wandering in the oh-so starry night. Clad in the finest of foot wear, or scantily dressed in sandals.
Which brings me to my point. The other day I was floating down the road when it happened. I peered off of the hill top, and by God I saw it. The sparkling abyss of the San Francisco bay. The very heart of the west. Palpitating in and out with the tide, only to pull an push us all around the country; or else excrete us out onto the vastness of the globe. Suddenly, I knew it all. I pulled the skin on my face back into a smile. I could feel it on my face, stretching, mending my puny wrinkles.

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15th December, 2008. 9:44 pm. Love Drug

Today was weird, in that it was totally normal, and yet so utterly horrible.
I can't explain how much I hate routine. It's like to the point where when I wake up in the morning, I wish that I would die in some freak accident instead of going to school. Why do I think like that? It's really ridiculous. It's all in my head I guess. I'm just stressed out. But I can't help it.

Kids are just so weird.
Walking around drunken, unaware, e-tarded, stoned, and if not any of the above, stuck up and uptight. Why is it that way with most people? I mean, not everyone's like that, but honestly that's how I've been feeling lately.

Why does our generation need to claim "E" as the "love drug"? Or smoke weed to be peaceful? Or take psychedelics to open our eyes? Why can't we just be that way on our own? And you know what sucks, most people who don't do them don't exactly care about peace, love, or seeing more than what meets the eye. Is it just some psychological thing? Like, oh those hippies, well they're nice and lovin' but we prefer to be a bunch of snobs just because we don't like drugs.

Is it so hard to love your fellow man without those things?

I guess a lot of people do care, but it's just so hard to see at school.
Everything is schedualed, mundayne, and cynicism reigns supreme.
It seems like the only people who enjoy school, are the ones who enjoy drama.
The one's who like to see the fights and tell dirty nasty secrets that everyone will know.
The lovers who love each other so much that they, "just don't give a damn who watches"
There are the few who are seekers of knowledge, but those are few.
And wether what is taught in school is true knowledge or not, can be disputed, at least from a spiritual or well-being standpoint.
The leadership class trying hard to get into their special little college.

idk, the whole thing is just a sad, comical, mess.
But I guess that's just me.

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10th December, 2008. 9:34 pm. A Dog's Dream

You're laying there tonight
With eyelids shut asleep
In tangled naked dreams
I pray, "Lord her soul to keep"
The kaleidoscope in my head
Plays music box strings
This sobbing clown will sing
"Oh, those brown eyes hidden from me"

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9th December, 2008. 9:09 pm. Shape of an "L"

You, know I'm a loser
At every thing I do
You know, I'm a loser
At everything I do!
I can't wash the dishes
I can't tie my shoe!
I know I'm just a loser
At everything I do
I can't fetch the mail
And I can't play the blues
I must be a loser
At everything I do!
Yeah, I must be a loser
Times two!

If you would like
You can be a loser too
We can have lots of fun
I can show you the moves:
How to lay around
And not clean your room
How to un-brush your teeth
How to make ice-cream soup
But if you want,
You can dance with me!
And we'll be two losers
Times THREE!
Yeah, we'll be two losers
Times three.

If you want you can hang
With our little loser gang
Six members strong
Won't you come out and play?
We'll teach you how to miss
When you kick the ball
(The whole entire game
it goes nowhere at all)
And we'll ask the whole world
If they want to join in
And eventually
Everybody wins!
Everybody wins!

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6th December, 2008. 10:56 am. So basically

My new hobby has definitely become bike riding.
I feel like a fad junkie, because everyone is starting to ride bikes now. But honestly, I love it. I don't try to show it off, so I guess I'm not too much of a fad junkie. But it is Saturday today, and I got up early and went on a two-hour bike ride. It was fantastic. I like to go to Lake Chabot (Castro Valley's local park and watershed!) and cruise around the trails there. It's really pretty and serene. It just sucks because I have to go around about a million people that are walking or running though. People with big packs of fishing poles or kids/dogs at their sides. Some people smile back at me, but most look angry.
But anyways, I really freaking love it. I like to put on an album on my ipod and just GO FOR IT! This morning I listened to Modest Mouse and then after that Freddie King. I usually try to ride pretty intensely, but honestly, I'm probably WAY slower than most people. I think that other guys on bikes laugh at the sight of me. But I really don't care. It just feels good to be able to work out and not have a bunch of pressure on me like I did when I was swimming. I'm all sweaty and panting right now. It's honestly a wonder that I'm not frying my keyboard as I type. Karina even says that I lost some weight, which is good, because I have become somewhat of a fat-ass. I just need to lose some more. I'm going to start having a big breakfast every morning, a medium-sized lunch, and then a light dinner. Combined with riding workouts, I think I should be able to drop some pounds. Horay!

Anyways, last night was fun with Special K. We experimented with different teas, which in itself was funny. We both like tea, so we have become TEA SCIENTISTS! BUHAHAHA! Then our doggy (Mr. Joel) decided that he wanted to chew up my glasses. I didn't mind much, because he looked pretty cute chewing them up. He knew he was doing something bad. When I walked over to him he gave me a look that just said "pwease don't huwrt me Mwatt, I diz nawt gno dey wuz yowrze, sowwy" Karina yelled at him for me, because I'm too much of a softy. lol. After that we watched some music videos, and I debated with her over how one was made. Which was rather stupid of me because she had read an article on it. ( I didn't know that at the time though ). I came home last night to a sleeping Mom in the living room. So I gave her a kissy kiss and told her to scoot her caboose into bed, and then she did!

Wanna know something really weird? Since I started doing this livejournal crap, I've decided that my life is pretty cool. Like, when I write everything that I do down, it just seems more intense and makes me realize that my life is a lot less boring that I used to think. All of these endless possibilities are coming true!!!
I like to be positive. I try to. Negativity eats at you. Enough of that though.

Later today Mom, Karina, and I are going to go look for new glasses for me lol, which should be fun. I get to be the center of attention! Horay! (notreally)

I just realized, that my beard is probably the fullest that it's ever been. I can't shave this month either, seeing as it is Decembeard. Last month was Novembeard, so it's already pretty big. I'm honestly kind of worried for the twin months Janu-hairy, and Febu-hairy, those are going to be hard. Mountain man beard will occur. I guess that Mustache March is just around the corner though. I don't know if I'm going to be able to participate in APE-ril though. I can't really grow that much hair all over my body.

update: I am going to stop talking about the months of facial hair on livejournal and go take a shower because I have nasty Bike-rider workout stench.

Have a good day LJ Community!

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6th December, 2008. 10:42 am.

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
If man were made of metal
He would rust

-My Mom

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6th December, 2008. 12:02 am. Writer's Block: Prohibited

Today marks the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which repealed Prohibition. It might seem crazy to us now, but alcohol was illegal in the U.S. for 13 years. What common vice do you think is most likely to be outlawed in the future?

I think that the next common "vice" to be outlawed if it goes any further, is probably cigarettes. They probably won't do it, but it is a bit of a matter of Public Health because of second hand smoke. I think that if they ever do make an anti-smoking law, it will probably not go all of the way. They'll probably just say that you can only smoke in your home, or in a designated area. You just won't be able to smoke on the sidewalk, or on a park bench in Public, unless it says that you can. They wouldn't outlaw it because there would be a ton of nicotine junkies flocking to the supreme court saying that their personal freedom is being compromised. I honestly would not mind that law, as long as they made some places for smokers to go and were fair to them. I don't like the stink of someone's cigarettes as I'm walking down the street. But that's more of a personal thing too. I don't exactly care too much either way. But I wouldn't be effected either, so I guess that's why.

Speaking of prohibition: I think that within the next 50 years, recreational cannabis consumption will be legalized. Because cannabis is starting to become the "smarter" choice to alcohol. There has never been a single case of someone dying from and O.D. of THC. Even when scientists put it into extremely potent liquid form and injected into the veins of rats, if I'm correct, none of their specimens died. (Don't quote me though). There have been deaths because of some stupid things people do while under the influence, but that is kind of expected, and honestly, WAY more people have been killed drunk driving than driving high. Someone that's high doesn't want to drive, it's scary. Most of the time they'd take public transportation, or maybe ride a bike. Plus, cannabis would be good for the economy. It could be sold (as cigarettes are) with a large amount of tax. The government would really benefit from this. A fairly big percentage of the money used to buy your weed, would also go to paving roads, paying teachers, firefighters, cops, and other government programs. Studies are showing that there are medical benefits to the plant as well. It allegedly helps with glaucoma, is a painkiller that is not hard on the kidneys like opiates are, it is a hunger stimulant that benefits people with HIV AIDS and cancer because of it's distinctive "munchies", and is the hailing champion of migraine sufferers because it is a painkiller that simultaneously reduces nausea. All of this PLUS cannabis is a lot cheaper than lab synthesized pharmapseudicals because the only effort taken to produced it is essentially the harvest. It grows pretty much on it's own. The key word is "weed".

Keeping all of this in mind, I think that if they did pass a law that said that you can't smoke in public, that would apply to cannabis as well.

P.S. happy anniversary Mom & Dad

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4th December, 2008. 6:53 pm.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
it kinda happened to me, so I guess I have to :p

How do you show someone you are interested?
I call them a ridiculous amount of times, or flash a pig at them.

Is there such thing as a perfect relationship?
meh... idk, there can be really good ones though.

How do you know when someone thinks youre attractive?
I don't honestly, unless they tell me so or do something provocative to me.

Could you date someone who has been only your friend for a long time?
I could. Loveyloveylovey.

What do you wear to attract the opposite sex?
Man thongs!

Are you uncomfortable staring in to someones eyes who likes you?
no, I actually really like it :)

Do you come across as confident, sexy, friendly, subtle, or innocent?
I come across as pretty much just plain weird. I guess you could say friendly, but i'm more weird than friendly.

What makes you sexy?
my renaissance buttocks!

When are you the most happy in a relationship?
"when i can just simply sit in a car, or the floor, or anywhere for that matter, and just talk endlessley without thinking twice how i sound, or having to worry about what i'm saying. feeling the true comfort of someone who understands and doesn't judge you." -My girlfriend

How many people have broken your heart?
one or two

Would you ever cheat or have you ever cheated?
No, and no, I has not.

Have you ever loved someone who didnt love you back?
No. Is'a had some uh crushuz doh.

Is there ever a happily ever after?
Hell yeah. Definately.

Do you want to grow old with someone or be single?
I would love to grow old with someone. I just think the idea is real cute.
Old people lovers! Yayyy.

Are you a hopeless romantic?
Yes. I am the stinky cheese man. Kraft runs through my viens.

What are you like when youre in love?
I am extremely happy when I am! :D

Whats the most money a boyfriend or girlfriend has spent on you?
Probably about 40 or 50 on dinner a coupla' tymes. She is good to me :) But I like to pay most of the time.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest?
The one that was the stupidest.

Which was the longest?
One and one-half years! This one!

Are you friends with any of your exes?
Eh, kinda. I try to be nice and not awkward.

Do you wish you were back together with any of your exes?
Hahaha, definately not. No. No, GOD NO!

Do you ever have dreams about your exes?
I have. They're kinda ridiculous.

If you want to get married, what age?
I think somewhere in my late 20's to mid 30's

Are you open or closed because of past hurt?
The past is the past. I don't care anymore.

What is your philosophy on love?
I am too goddamn stupid to come up with any philosophy.
Besides time and space inter-relation.

Who do you secretly yearn for?
My sexy math substitute with a squatty face.

The reason you love your significant other or crush?
I could write books on this. She's the most loving and caring person I've ever met.

Would you change yourself for someone you loved?
No I wouldn't. I don't want to feel uncomfortable, I think it's dumb to change yourself, even though everyone does it from time time. But I wouldn't try to.

Would you give up a dream for someone you loved?
I think that if they loved you, they'd let you go after that dream and support you.

Would you quit a job for someone you loved?
That really depends on the circumstances. I don't think that's a fair question.

The thing you love about relationships:
Our adventures, and our stay at homes. And always having someone special to say goodnight to.

The thing you love about being single:
No one cares when you spill things.

The person who's on your mind right now:

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2nd December, 2008. 10:01 pm. Spanksgiving!

Was great! My cute as hell girlfriend and I explored the ocean, the forests, horses, mounds of turkey and ice cream, hot pockets, apple-cider, and most of all GAME CUBES!

we took photos, which are probably the greatest ever.

Seriously, I had such a great time. My stepfather was a bitch the whole time.
He assumes that all teenagers have sex all of the time. Even when he's looking and they're six feet apart,
they're still having sex and being juvinile delinquints.

he woke me up at fucking five in the morning because he heard the house creak and thought that I was walking around. (How paranoid is that?)

Man, I don't even know where to start.

Karina and I got up, and we unpacked and almost immediately started playing gamecube, which was fine with me :) We ate spanksgiving dinner, which my uncle and aunt couldn't make. (NO WINE :,( ) He's a commercial fisherman, and he has only caught one crab this year (way behind his quota if you didn't guess)

Anyways, it was a pretty quiet dinner. Karina probably talked the most out of all of us, and she was the guest. That's okay though, I'd rather have her talk than Larry, going on about the end of the World and how we should invade Mexico and take their oil.

It was delicious naturally, I ate two HUGE plates full. Which is actually a bit less than normal. Then Karina and I went on a walk to look at the Country night sky and walk off some of dinner. It was nice. I loves her <3

Anyways, the day after we explored beaches GALORE! and took many photos. If you've never been to the ocean on the northern California coast, you must go. Seriously, most beautiful place in the whole world. I guess a lot of people would argue that it's too foggy but seriously, it was sunny out that day and ridiculously heavenly. Also, underwater is the most beautiful place i've ever gone diving in. I mean, the tropics have prettier fish, but they really don't beat the kelp gardens and teeming life of Mendocino waters. So goddamn pretty. After we checked out a couple of beaches Mom and Karina went into this thrift store, and I took a nap in the car. It felt gewd. After that JENNY'S GIANT BURGERS! in Fort Brag. If you like McDonald's shoot your big mac in the bun and move to Fort Brag. Wow, best hamburger's ever. Vegetarian? best GARDEN BURGERS EVER!

Karina got one and said it was the most delicious thing of her entire life!
(most delicious garden burger that is?)

The lady there, she even gave us an extra order of fries. It was scumptious.

after that Mom, Karina, and I went home.
Girlfriend and I played the GAME CUBE in an epic battle of Mario Party!

Then we watched Yellow Submarine. It is very colourful and fun to watch, but honestly, it would only actually be good if you were high out of your mind. How do I know? my mommy told me so, that's how.

The next day Special-K and I went into the Mendocino Village! It was oh-so-touristy like always, but we got the best chocolate in the whole entire world. Then we started asking these stupid shop ladies if they knew where to get some good seafood. They were mean as fuck, so finally, desperate, Karina and I asked for help at the local Head Shop (marijuana bong store) The guys in there were really nice and helpful (as expected) Karina and I actually looked at the cloths they had in there for a while. The pipes that they had were all sparkly and well kept. But as Karina was looking at this shirt that she liked, she saw this huge like Grasshopper Cockroach thing and It JUMPED OUT! we left after that. I laughed because the only thing that's clean in a head shop are all their fucking pipes. Anyways, as helpful and nice as those guys were, they weren't so coherent, so we asked another lady.

She just seemed out of it, then again, everyone up there is always out of it. She told us of a few restaurants in town. YAY! We checked a few out, but decided to go to the only one that I know. Bay View Cafe

It's really nice, it's upstairs in this little cottage thing and it overlooks the mendocino bay. (hence the name) It was nice and empty when Karina and I went up. I think she felt nervous about that. they had christmas lights up, but it was rather dark and, dare I say, Intimate. Karina was rather indecisive and she changed her mind about what she was going to get about fifty-million times. Which was okay because she's so goddamn cute that it doesn't even matter. I giggled at her. :) She ended up eating the first beef patty hamburger she's had in years, and she said it was the best burger of her life! in one weekend she had the best garden burger, and the best beef burger in her life. I felt so proud. I got scallops and shrimp mean. They were freaking delicious. Goddamn. So good. Dinner was so nice. ahh. Good memories.

After that we went to this little cafe coffee shop called Moody's. It was this superhipinternetcafe. And it smelled like freedom (same as the head shop smelled) It was mostly this rasta man that smelled like freedom though. He had the dreads. They were magnificent. The coffee was freaking delicious. There was a little kid at the cash register. He was hella cute. He took our money and gave me change.

After that mom picked us up and we went home. I ended up with a huge fucking migrain.
I laid in bed while Karina played video games and read most of the night. She took care of me. Seriously, I love that girl to pieces. She's so good to me. She gave me a cold compress with some C0Q10 on it. it made me feel better, but my headache wouldn't go away. I actually still have a bit of a headache if you want to know the truth.

The next day we had to get ready to come home (BOO :( )
Larry was being a little fucking bitch all day. He really insulted Karina, I'm not even going to say what he said because I wish he would die every time I think about it. Karina never did anything to him at all, she was polite, kept to herself and respected all of the rules. And so did I. I never say a word to that asshole unless he says something to me. Like I said, he thinks all teenagers are having sex even when they're thirty fucking feet apart. No one has any kind of dick that long. It just doesn't work like that. I mean, I guess they didn't have health class in the fifties when he went to school, but I thought by now he'd know the basics of the whole thing.

Anyways, in the morning Karina and I ate hotpockets and Layed around lazily. We played a lot of gamecube and took some pictures of horses. Larry got mad when we left to take pictures of the horses because he wanted to leave at that very second, as if we were totally late somewhere, which we were not.

The ride back actually kinda sucked. Karina and I didn't feel like talking much because Larry was being such an asshole. We passed notes, for a while, which sounds stupid, but it was actually kinda cool, but the road was too windy. We slept for most of the way after that. We stopped at McDonalds and got McFLURRYS. Those are kind of delicious.

Larry made us drop him and my dog off at home before we took Karina to her house, which was inconvienient as hell, but kind of nice because I wanted at least 20 minutes without dealing with him at all. We took Karina home and I was sad when we left her. I still wish I could spend everyday with her. It was so nice.

When I got home I recieved like four letters from different colleges, which made me feel good, but they're probably all crappy colleges anyways. It was cool because the way that they found me was through my music website on myspace. They thought I was cool, which I'm not really but that's okay.

I went to bed and slept helluv hard.
And I dreamt Karina was a nurse. That was a good dream.

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26th November, 2008. 10:57 pm. Never in my life

have I posted so many journal entries in one day.
I feel excited over the endless possibilities that this poses.

WOW! Think of how I might feel in the future. There is optimism. Yes there is.
Especially if you watch Tapes of the Beatles "Yellow Submarine"!
how colourful and spectacular!

I'm getting up at 5 am so I should probably to to bed.
But I'm too goddamn excited about livejournal. And Spanksgiving.
It will be warm warm warm at my Grandma's. She keeps it about eighty fucking degrees inside the house.
But no one says anything. I mean she is GRANDMA!
She takes coumadin pills for her heart, they make her cold. Cold to the bone.
So we heat up the house, just for her!

I remember prayers for all her children around a tables pregnant with turkey.
Holding hands with mother, who in turn holds hands with her mother.
My drunken Uncle and my tangerine-haired Aunt Gail.
Both cursing the name "George W. Bush"
As my silently screaming stepfather
In his heart cried in dismay.
My uncle pouring me wine in the pantry.
And my mother smiling
Smelling it on my breath.
"Spanksgiving to all!" I cry hysterically
Football games never watched
And rifles shot off of the porch
The screaming barks of
My frightened Chihuahua
In the sight of the giant mountain dog
Always hungry. Always smelling. Always resting.
And I loved all of them. Every single one.
Not for the sake of family, but for the sake of sharing.
And Grandmother with eyes open
Watching over us in prayer

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